How to handle dating someone going through a divorce
‘TIL DEATH DO US PART Although I’m sure there are exceptions to this, most people marry intending to honor their commitment of a lifetime union.
And they make these commitments to each other because they love each other and believe that entrusting their future happiness to their mate is a safe bet.
They can feel such things as regret, fear, guilt (magnified 1,000 times if there are kids involved), a sense of failure, sadness, anger, jealousy over a new lover in their mate’s life, or more.
NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART Dating a man while he goes through a divorce isn’t something just anyone could do.
This is important and he will be talking about it, so listen with a keen intensity when he does.
Here is a checklist: You must be definite that he is actually getting a divorce and has not just taken a few weeks off from his marriage to "find himself" or "get space." Are papers being filed or served? Any reports of progress are a green light that he is headed in the right direction as a possible partner for you.
WHAT IT TAKES Here are some things you may want to remind yourself of, as you deal with this phase of your relationship: • He’s doing the very best he can right now (even if you’re SURE he could be doing better); • This too shall pass!
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Any stalling, or worse, attempts at reconciliation are red lights for you to put a stop to seeing him until he is officially, legally single. If so, that tells you that he is willing to work on disagreements as well as letting you know that the divorce was not a rash decision.
If he cannot or will not follow through on this, what kind of follow through will he have in regards to his commitment to you? Does he acknowledge his role in the marriage falling apart? If he says phrases like, "I'm not perfect" or "I really tried," take these as cues that his relationship with you will also feature him making an effort when needed.
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